Helping an Anxious Primary School Child Find His Confidence: One Nottinghamshire Mum’s Story
Gemma’s son was struggling.
He’d moved schools, was falling behind because of undiagnosed dyslexia, and had just lost his grandfather – the person he was closest to in the world. He was shutting down, unable to express what he was feeling, and the waiting list for CAMHS stretched months ahead. Gemma had tried everything she could think of. She didn’t know where else to turn.
About Freddie and Gemma
Freddie* was nine years old and in Year 6 in West Bridgford, Nottinghamshire, when Gemma first got in touch with me. He was carrying such a lot. A recent school move had knocked his confidence, undiagnosed dyslexia was making school feel like a constant uphill battle, and the loss of his grandfather – someone he had been incredibly close to – had hit him deeply. On top of all of that, the pressure of SATs, the looming move to secondary school, and an upcoming residential trip were all weighing on him. At home he was angry and shut down, unable to put into words how he was feeling, and nothing Gemma tried seemed to reach him.
Gemma came to me feeling exhausted and, if she’s honest, quietly desperate. She is a loving, attentive mum who was doing everything right – and it still wasn’t working. She’d sought advice, tried strategies she’d found online, bought resources to use at home, and been to the GP. Freddie was on a waiting list for CAMHS, but Gemma knew he needed help now, not in several months’ time – and from someone who could be objective, someone outside the family. She was sleeping badly, struggling to get through her working days, and beginning to feel, in her lowest moments, that she simply wasn’t doing enough.
She heard about Positive Pants through another parent whose child I had worked with, and she decided to reach out.
How Positive Pants Helped
I’ve been working with children and families for over two decades now, and one thing I know for certain is that a child’s confidence can unravel very quickly – but it can also be rebuilt, with the right support and the right approach.
What I’ve seen time and again is that the magic really happens when we work together as a whole unit, involving the family rather than just the child.
A safe space that was just for Freddie
Each of my sessions starts with dedicated time with the child, followed by time with the parent. For Freddie, having that separate space mattered enormously. He could talk openly to someone outside his family without worrying that what he said might upset his mum or affect things at home. He didn’t have to share the space with his sibling. He could just be himself, be honest about how he was feeling, and there was absolutely no pressure. That freedom to just be open – with no agenda and no consequences – made a real difference to him.
Sessions built around him
Every session I do is tailored completely to that child – their interests, their hobbies, the things that make them tick. The tools and techniques I use are always grounded in research and theory, but I bring them to life through play and creativity, because that’s what works with children. With Freddie we used craft activities, games, and often his own toys, so that the techniques stayed with him beyond our time together and he could use them independently. He always had something real and tangible to come back to, something that felt like his.
Equipping Gemma as well as Freddie
At the end of each session, I always spend time with the parents too – sharing what we’d covered, explaining the thinking behind the techniques and the language we’d used, so that everything could be reinforced at home. This is so important to me. What we do together in a session only goes so far if it stops at the door. Gemma went from feeling helpless and on the outside to feeling like an active, confident part of her son’s progress. Together we worked out how to weave the techniques naturally into their everyday family life in a way that felt right for them.
Within just a few weeks there was a noticeable change. Freddie was opening up at home. He was beginning to talk about his feelings rather than shutting them down. And the school residential trip – the one he’d been quietly dreading for months – turned out to be the highlight of his year.
The Difference It Made
The change in Freddie over the weeks we worked together was wonderful to see. He started opening up at home. He began to talk about his feelings rather than shutting them down. The tools we’d worked on together became part of his everyday life – and what I love most is that he started to reach for them himself, without anyone prompting him.
For Gemma, the shift was just as real. She stopped lying awake at night running through what she might be doing wrong. She stopped dragging herself through working days on broken sleep. She came to understand that she had always been a brilliant mum – she had simply needed a bit of support, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
And when Gemma’s daughter began struggling sometime later, she didn’t hesitate. She came straight back to Positive Pants. That means the world to me, and I think it says more than I ever could.
Gemma’s Own Words
“Claire came to work with our son as he had low self-esteem and confidence after moving schools and also after years of struggling with dyslexia at his previous primary school, who hadn’t given him much support. He started seeing Claire at the beginning of Year 6 and was also worried about the move to secondary school and an upcoming residential trip, so he had a lot on his plate. Unfortunately, just after she started working with him we also lost my Dad, and my son was very close to him. But thankfully, Claire was there to help him through that loss as well as helping him find ways to be more confident in himself and manage his emotions. His new school and friends were very supportive and Year 6 ended up being his best school year ever. He had the time of his life on the residential trip too! After his confidence improved, the move to secondary school couldn’t really have gone much better. He’s in Year 9 now and is so much more confident and resilient – he even went abroad with school last month with a smile on his face, barely looking back. We are so proud of him. We still use some of the tools Claire taught us, and he still instigates using them with us too. I feel the work Claire did with him in Year 6 really helped him turn a corner and gave him some tools that he can carry with him as he continues to grow and develop.”
Gemma – mum of a primary school child, West Bridgford, Nottinghamshire.
A Note to Any Mum or Dad Reading This
If any part of Gemma’s story sounds familiar, I’d love to have a chat. Every child is completely different, and I always start by just listening – making sure you feel properly heard before we talk about anything else. There’s no commitment and no pressure at all. Just a conversation, over a cuppa.
*The name of the child has been changed to protect his identity.
About Claire
Claire Clements is the founder of Positive Pants and Positive Pants Family CIC, and a children’s positive mindset mentor with over 23 years’ experience working in the education sector. Since moving to Nottinghamshire in 2016, she has focused on supporting the mental health of children and families in primary schools and communities across the county, reaching over 15,000 people.
A former PricewaterhouseCoopers professional and independent school Registrar and Housemistress, Claire developed the Positive Pants programme to give children the emotional tools they need to thrive. She is the author of the Positive Pants book, creator of the Positive Pants mindset card resources, and a regular speaker on children’s wellbeing. She appears regularly on BBC radio and local television and contributes to podcasts on mental health and family resilience. Claire is a member of the Professional Speakers Association and sits on the founding committee of the East Midlands Social Enterprise Network (EMSEN). Positive Pants is a proud member of the Safe Space Alliance.
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