Helping a Six-Year-Old Manage Frustrations and Find His Confidence: One Bingham Mum’s Story
Elaine watched her six-year-old son Finlay’s frustration build every time he sat down to draw or colour.
What should have been an enjoyable, ordinary activity often ended the same way – his work torn up in anger and Finlay upset and defeated before the picture was even finished. Elaine was doing everything she could to help him and encourage him, but she could see his confidence taking a knock every time this happened, and she wanted to find a way to help him cope.
About Finlay and Elaine
Finlay was six years old and in Year 2 at school in Bingham when Elaine reached out to Positive Pants. He was a bright, energetic and imaginative little boy, but he struggled hugely whenever he sat down to draw or colour – if his picture didn’t turn out the way he’d imagined it, his frustration would boil over and he would rip up his work and become very upset.
Elaine had known me and Positive Pants for some time, having followed the work she’d done both locally and online, and she trusted our approach. So when she needed support for Finlay, she chose to join the Positive Pants Online Course – a weekly programme she and Finlay could work through together at home, in their own time and at their own pace.
How the Positive Pants Online Course Helped
The course gives parents a weekly video and activity to work through with their child, alongside a friendly Facebook group where they can talk to like-minded parents and ask any questions along the way. Everything is delivered in simple, accessible language so that children can watch the videos alongside their parent – meaning nothing gets lost between what Elaine learnt and what she then explained to Finlay, because he had already seen and understood it himself. It also addresses the common problem of children needing to hear such things through someone else, rather than the parent themselves.
For Elaine and Finlay, this meant the course became something they did together rather than something Elaine had to interpret and pass on second-hand. Both of them were learning the same language for feelings at the same time and Elaine could also pass this on to the rest of the family, and they could also watch if they chose to.
Learning to Self-Regulate, Together
One of the lessons that made the biggest difference for this family was self-regulation. It gave Elaine and Finlay a shared set of techniques to help him stay calmer when frustration started to build. It also gave Elaine the words to reassure him that his work didn’t have to be perfect, and that it was ok to make mistakes – in fact, that’s what makes his work his own, and this was also reinforced by Claire herself in the videos.
Building Confidence, One Superhero at a Time
Finlay also struggled with confidence in other areas, so the ‘Building Confidence’ video – which explores the idea of superheroes – landed perfectly for him. He built his own superhero out of puzzle blocks, and when it came to the drawing activity, Elaine let him choose how he wanted to approach it, with guidance from Claire’s teaching along the way. The result was a much happier child, visibly proud of what he had created.
The Difference It Made: Learning to Manage Finlay’s Frustration
Working through the course together has brought Elaine and Finlay closer, and given them both coping mechanisms they now use regularly. Elaine has noticed increased patience and understanding on both sides – not just in Finlay learning to manage his frustration, but in her own ability to support him through it.
Elaine’s Own Words
“I reached out to Claire for support because my son would get so angry when doing any drawing/colouring and he would rip up his work and become very upset. Both Finlay and I have learned so much, it has brought us closer, taught both of us coping mechanisms and increased patience and understanding. The course provides a weekly video and activity along with a friendly Facebook group to discuss any issues and talk to like-minded parents. It is provided in a simple language so that young ones can watch the videos too, this ensures that nothing is missed when they get to do the activity. One of the lessons was particularly useful in my child’s situation as this was self-regulation, and again, this helped both of us. I was able to talk to him about the techniques we learned to help him stay calmer and for me to talk to him about how his work does not have to be perfect and it’s ok to make mistakes – this makes it unique. There is another video, ‘Building Confidence’, which talks about superheroes. My son also lacks confidence with some things and during this video he made his own superhero out of puzzle blocks. The activity was to draw something, with Claire’s help and guidance, I let him choose how he did the activity which resulted in a much happier child who was very proud of his work. I would highly recommend this course. There is no pressure in having to do the activity immediately either. With busy families comes illness and out of school activities etc. It’s very relaxed and informal which in turn, benefits us.”
Elaine – mum of a Year 2 school child, Bingham, Nottinghamshire
Why This Matters So Much to Elaine
For Elaine, this isn’t just about one course or one difficult phase with Finlay’s drawing. Over the years, she has had her own struggles with mental health, and she has also experienced loss within her own life that has stayed with her. Those experiences are part of why giving Finlay the tools to understand and express his feelings early matters so much to her – she doesn’t want him to grow up without the language and support that she went without for so long herself.
A Note to Any Parent Reading This
If you recognise this in your own home – the tears, the ripped-up drawings, the frustration that seems too big for such a small moment – you’re not alone, and it doesn’t have to stay this way. The Online Course is designed to fit around real family life: there’s no pressure to complete an activity immediately, and it’s relaxed and informal enough to work around illness, after-school clubs and everything else busy families juggle.
About Claire
Claire Clements is the founder of Positive Pants and Positive Pants Family CIC, and a children’s positive mindset mentor with over 23 years’ experience working in the education sector. Since moving to Nottinghamshire in 2016, she has focused on supporting the mental health of children and families in primary schools and communities across the county, reaching over 15,000 people.
A former PricewaterhouseCoopers professional and independent school Registrar and Housemistress, Claire developed the Positive Pants programme to give children the emotional tools they need to thrive. She is the author of the Positive Pants book, creator of the Positive Pants mindset card resources, and a regular speaker on children’s wellbeing. She appears regularly on BBC radio and local television and contributes to podcasts on mental health and family resilience. Claire is a member of the Professional Speakers Association and sits on the founding committee of the East Midlands Social Enterprise Network (EMSEN). Positive Pants is a proud member of the Safe Space Alliance.
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